Posts in category: UHF
The Biggest Ball of Twine in Minnesota

Well, I had two weeks of vacation time coming After working all year down at Big Roy’s Heating And Plumbing So one night when my family the I were gathered ’round the dinner table I said, “Kids, if you could go anywhere in this great big world, now Where’d you like to go to” They […]


Spam in the place where I live (ham and pork) Think about nutrition, wonder what’s inside it now (oh boy) Spam in my luchbox at work (it’s the best) Really makes a darn good sandwich any way you slice it at all If you’re running low, go to the store Carry some money to help […]

Fun Zone


Spatula City

Announcer: There’s just one place to go for all of your spatula needs Random Voice: Spatula City Random Voice: Spatula City Announcer: A giant warehouse of spatulas for every occasion. Thousands to choose from in every shape, size, and color. And because we eliminate the middleman, we can sell all our spatulas factory direct to […]

Generic Blues

I woke up this morning Then I went back to bed Said I woke up this morning Then I went right back to bed Got a funny kind of feelin’ like I got broken glass in my underwear And a herd of wild pigs is trying to chew off my head You know what I’m […]

She Drives Like Crazy

Where’d you learn how to steer You do eighty in second gear When you drive, I can’t relax Got your license from Cracker Jacks You just hit another tree These fender benders are killin’ me She drives like crazy Like no one else She drives like crazy And I’m afraid for myself They’ll put you […]

Let Me Be Your Hog

Let me be your hog Let me be your hog, now (snort, snort) I said baby baby baby baby Baby baby baby baby baby baby baby!

The Hot Rocks Polka

If I could stick my hand in my heart Spill it all over the stage Would it satisfy you Would it slide on by you Would you think the boy is strange Ain’t it stra-a-ange If I could win If I could sing A love song so divine Would it be enough for your cheating […]

Isle Thing

Met this fine young thing At the local Circle K We made a date for a half past eight And I said, “What the hey?” So I journeyed to her crib And I let myself inside That chick was slouched down on the couch I think her brain was fried Couldn’t figure it out She […]

Attack of the Radioactive Hamsters from a Planet Near Mars

They showed up on my doorstep just a couple weeks ago They looked so sweet and harmless Tell me, how was I to know They got a little too close to the microwave and then much to my surprise They grew to forty thousand times their original size They started mutatin’ right before my eyes […]

Gandhi II

(Next week on News 62) He’s back, and this time, he’s mad Gandhi II No more pasting resistence He’s out to kick some butt This is one bad mother, you don’t want to mess with (Don’t move, slave-boy) He’s a one-man wrecking crew But he also knows how to party (Give me a steak, medium-rare) […]

Money for Nothing/Beverly Hillbillies

Beverly Beverly Hillbillies Huh, now lookie here people Listen to my story A little story ’bout a man named Jed You know something? That poor mountaineer They say he barely kept his family fed Now, let me tell you One day he was shootin’ Old Jed was shootin’ at some food When all of a […]

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