I starred in every high school play (Pep, pep)
Blew every drama teacher away (Pep, pep)
I graduated first in my class (Pep, pep)
At Juilliard (Pep, pep)
Took every acting workshop I could (Pep, pep)
And I dreamed of Hollywood (Pep, pep)
While I read my Uta Hagen (Pep, pep)
And studied the Bard
Hit the boards and paid my dues
And got phenomenal rave reviews
I knew the world was gonna love me
Without a doubt
I was sure that Tarantino would be callin’ me on my phone
Annie Liebowitz would shoot me for Rollin’ Stone
But the years have come and gone and I’m sorry to say
That’s not the way that it’s all worked out
I’m a tour guide on the Jungle Cruise ride
Skipper Dan is the name…
And I’m doin’ 34 shows every day
And every time it’s the same
(Woah-oh!)
Look at those hippos, they’re wigglin’ their ears
Just like they’ve done for the last 50 years
Now I’m laughin’ at my own jokes, but I’m cryin’ inside
‘Cause I’m workin’ on the Jungle Cruise ride (Do, do do-do) (Pep, pep)
(Do, do do-do) (Pep, pep)
Oh the critics they used to say, (Do, do do-do) (Pep, pep)
“I was the new Olivier.” (Do, do do-do) (Pep, pep)
Thought I’d be the toast of Sundance (Do, do do-do) (Pep, pep)
Or maybe Cannes (Do, do do-do) (Pep, pep)
Ah, but don’t bother tryin’ to IMDB me
The only place you might possibly see me
Is ridin’ my little boat around Adventureland!
It ain’t exactly what I planned
But I’m a tour guide on the Jungle Cruise ride
Skipper Dan is the name…
And I’m doin’ 34 shows every day
And every time it’s the same
(Woah-oh!)
I would’ve killed if I’d been in Speed-the-Plow
But what’s the difference that’s all behind me now
‘Cause I’m payin’ the rent and I’m swallowin’ my pride
And I’m workin’ on the Jungle Cruise ride
I should be there on Broadway
Knockin’ ’em dead in 12 Angry Men
But instead I’m here tellin’ these lame jokes
Again and again and again and again
And again and again and agaaaaaaain!
Na-na-na-naaa, na-na-na-na-na-na [Bengal tigers can jump over 20 feet…]
Na-na na, na-na-na… [That’s an African Bull-Elephant…]
Na-na-na-naa-na-na-na naa-na-na-na [There it is. The backside of water!]
Na-na na na-na-na [What have I done with my life?]
I should’ve listened when my Grandfather said,
“Why don’t you major in business instead?”
Now my hopes have all vanished and my dreams have all died
And I’ll probably work forever as a
Tour guide on the Jungle Cruise ride
Skipper Dan is the name (Bop doo-waa)
And I’m doin’ 34 shows every day,
And every time it’s the same
(Woah-oh!)
Look at those hippos, they’re wigglin’ their ears
Somebody shoot me, ’cause I’m bored to tears!
Always said I’d be famous, I guess that I lied
‘Cause I’m workin’ on the Jungle Cruise ride (Woo-ooh)
I’m still workin’ on the Jungle Cruise ride!